


Vacation To Hell

by infectedscrew



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Air Plane Travel, Gen, Traveling, everything is miserable, no one is happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 06:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6791692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infectedscrew/pseuds/infectedscrew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason knew a vacation for the Outlaws would be a terrible idea from the start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vacation To Hell

Jason knew this was a bad idea from the start. For one thing, no one could agree on where they wanted to go. Granted, Jason had firmly stated that he wasn’t going to be budging from their safe house one inch. So, technically, only Roy and Kory couldn’t decide where they should go.

For three hours he had to sit and listen as the two of them bickered over what would be the perfect place to spend some much needed rest and relaxation at. Although, if he had to be honest, it was Roy bickering and Kory very calmly stating that he was an idiot and her idea was better.

With no end in sight, Jason had casually thrown out ‘Montreal, Canada’ as an option.

The pair of fiery red heads had paused and turned to stare at him. Slowly they looked back at each other and nodded.

That was how Jason found himself crammed into a tiny airport at the ass crack of dawn, glaring at the old couples shuffling ahead of him. If only their shaky, arthritic legs could move a bit faster, then he wouldn’t have to be stuck listening to Roy chatter nonstop about all the Canadian facts he could think of. And they weren’t even in the right country yet, they were still stuck in the same place trying to get out of it.

Kory chuckles, trailing along behind them. She certainly isn’t helping matters, either. With her looks she’s dragging every set of vaguely working eyes to her and she’s loving every second of it.

“Do not look so stiff,” she mumurs to Jason for the fifth time.

“How can I not?” He hisses, glaring at a small child who has been staring at him for too long. Not even the satisfaction of watching the candy-sticky, pudgy child tear away from him at top speed is enough to alleviate some of his irritation.

“We are going on vacation, Jay,” Roy points out, managing to pause his Canadian-fueled rant for just a second. He’s staring at Jason as if he’s already explained this multiple times. Considering how little Jason’s been paying attention to the conversation, he probably has.

Jason snorts and rolls his eyes. “Not if these old windbags don’t pick up the pace,” he replies, not bothering to keep his voice down. “We’ll never reach our gate in time.”

The elder man shoots a glare over his shoulder. He snags his wife’s arm and hurries up his steps.

Jason breathes a sigh when he’s finally able to be free of the walking dead.

“See? Getting better already,” Roy intones, sounding far too pleased with himself.

“Shut up, Roy,” Jason states.

Shockingly they don’t miss their plane and boarding is relatively easy. If one can ignore the brief misstep in which a man with a far too heavy carry-on bag drops said bag on Roy’s foot. Thankfully, Jason absolutely can.

The same can not be said for the flight. It is supposed to be short, only three hours at the most. Instead, it feels like sixteen days straight trapped in a musty, dirty, cave with only pain and misery for company. It seems like the one time Jason decides it would be just fine to not fly first class is the one time every brand new mother decides to take her infants into the atmosphere and let them scream their happy songs to the heavens. It’s just Jason’s luck that he has to be crammed into the middle seat between Roy and Kory and a huge fat guy in front, crushing the seat back into his knees.

“Tell me again why we decided to be decent people?” Roy asks, frowning down at his pathetic leg space.

Jason just glares. His room, or lack there of, is even smaller than Roy’s. He really doesn’t want to hear it.

“Because,” Kory starts, looking perfectly comfortable against her window, “that family needed our seats more than we did.”

“Shouldn’t have gotten on a plane with a fucking broken leg in the first place,” Jason grumbles, Roy nodding in agreement.

Kory frowns at him, clearly not in the same mindset. She turns her head to look out the window and Jason suddenly feels guilty. This flight is going to suck and nothing will change that.

Not even the small bag of peanuts and the sweet smile from the petite hostess are enough to make this any better. Nor even the brief moment when she returns with apologies and some food for the cramped trio.

“Being stuck behind the wing is the worst seat,” she said, hanging them fresh sandwiches and bottled drinks. “I am so sorry, but I really do appreciate you offering your seats.”

It takes serious effort on Jason’s part to not let her smile take away his irritation. He takes the sandwich with a grunt. He elbows Roy hard when the man watches her stride back up the aisle.

Once the sandwiches are consumed, however, the flight drops back into dismal. The man in front of Jason won’t stop moving, Roy won’t stop talking and Kory looks too perfect for such a shitty time.

“I’m going to blow this plane up,” Jason mutters, arms crossed and eyes glaring daggers into the fat man’s head, currently lolling to the side.

“That would be counter-productive,” Kory points out.

“Not if my end product is to die,” Jason retorts.

“Again?” Roy questions.

“Shut up, Roy,” Jason says, kicking the back of the chair in front of him.

It does nothing to get the man to sit up.

Landing is relatively painless, minus the horrifying bump that forces Roy to cling to Jason’s arm hard enough and long enough it loses feeling and minus mad scramble everyone goes into that earns Roy a small girl’s pointy-toy filled bag dropped on his head and also minus the woman behind Kory standing up and grabbing her hair instead of the back of the seat and tugging, rather roughly, as she stands as well as–

Jason takes it back, landing is just as bad as the rest of the damn flight.

Stubbornly, the trio stay in their seat until everyone else has left the plane. Then the same round-faced, tiny flight attendant is back.

“You can leave the plane now,” she tells them, handing Roy an ice pack for the red mark on his forehead. “I promise it’s safe.”

“You say that,” Jason grumbles, feeling no qualms about looking and sounding so rude. “Just watch, the plane will catch fire or your captain will flip the fuck out and shoot us all or that dick with the broken leg will come stomping back to demand better peanuts.”

He doesn’t take it back until the sweet face hardens. “Sir, you are holding up the next flight with your complaints. I need you off this plane within the next five minutes,” she says, drawing herself up to her full height; which is just under Jason’s chin. “Will you be able to find your way out or do you need me to hold your hand to the door?”

Roy barely manages to cover a laugh with a cough.

Jason blinks at the woman, not expecting the attitude. “I, uh, no? I think I’ll be okay.”

The woman softens right back up and she nods. “Good. I am sorry the flight was not the best. I really do hope it doesn’t stop you from flying with us again,” she says, guiding them back to the door either way.

“Yeah, we might,” Jason mumbles, hurrying out of the plane and up the tunnel.

Kory squeezes the woman’s shoulder briefly before she and Roy follow Jason out.

Jason practically runs all the way down to baggage claim. With total freedom for his legs and wanting literally outrun his embarrassment at being called out, he doesn’t plan to stop running until he has to.

“Hey! Jay, wait up!” Roy calls, jogging slightly to keep up. He doesn’t have to look to know that Kory is floating along side him. “And Kory, stop doing that. People will notice.”

“As if they haven’t already?”

“Well, I mean… Fine, you keep doing what you’re doing,” he answers, gaze locked on Jason far ahead of them.

“Thank you for your permission,” Kory mocks.

Jason finally stills next to the terminal that should have their baggage. He’s always traveled light, so he finds and picks up his black bag rather easily.

“See ours?” Roy inquires once he’s caught up to Jason.

Jason nods to the small opening letting out the bags. “Yeah, it just came out. Did you really have to put that many stickers on your bag?”

Roy shrugs, waiting for the bag to come around. “Just in case it gets lost,” he says as he tugs the heavier bag off the slow moving belt. “I’ll be able to find it.”

“You think if I stuck a bunch of stickers all over your brain you’d be able to find it?”

“Har, har, Jason. Har, har. Hey, find your bag, Kory?” Roy calls to the woman, standing with her hands on her hips, watching the moving bags intensely.

She shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest. She frowns slightly.

“If this is the moment when you ask why you couldn’t just fly here before us,” Jason cuts in when she opens her mouth, “I already told you. We fly together or not at all.”

“Yes, yes. You’ve explained this before,” she retorts with a small head shake. “But if my luggage is lost in some stranger’s hands…”

“Then some lucky person just got a bag of the coolest underwear in history,” Roy teases.

“Shut up, Roy.”

Unfortunately, but not unsurprisingly Kory’s bag is lost to the dark abyss that is airline companies. No matter who they got sent to, the bag just couldn’t be found. The young man at the lost and found, who seemed to take an uncanny interest in Roy’s arms, told them that if the bag was found he’d make a personal call to their hotel.

It’s enough to make Kory relent on the search. She thanks the man and turns back to Jason and Roy.

“Well, time to head to the hotel,” Roy announces.

“It better be a damn good one,” Jason complains.

“Oh it is,” Kory assures. “I made sure of it.”

“Best in the city,” Roy proclaims, gathering up his and Jason’s bag. “According to your little brother.”

Jason arches an eyebrow, moving with Roy back to baggage claim and their exit out. “Little brother?” He repeats.

“Yes, your replacement, as you say,” Kory explains.

“You asked him where we should vacation?” Jason asks, shock and annoyance fighting to the surface.

“No, what hotel we should stay in. That kid lives in the lap of luxury, of course he’d know the perfect place,” Roy soothes. “It’s in walking distance of downtown and only thirty minutes of walking from here, if you wanted. Since you need to stretch those legs of yours.”

Jason snorts and turns to the door. He stills when he spots the weather outside. Weather is a nice way of putting it, he decides. It God damn biblical outside. Pouring bucks of manged cats and dogs with thunder threatening to shake the very streets apart.

“Are you fucking shitting me? There is no fucking way I’m walking in that shit,” Jason almost shrieks. “Call me a cab, damn it.”

Kory glances to the taxi stand and moves over to it. She has a very short, very quiet conversation with the older gentleman at the counter. It’s not a good one, Jason notices rather quickly, when Kory looks back to him with a grimace.

“Look on the bright side,” Roy speaks up when Kory rejoins them. “At least we packed light.”

“Shut up, Roy,” both Kory and Jason snap.


End file.
